So you’re “officially” dating… then you go through your first anniversary, second, third, fourth… and start wondering how long it’s going to be until he finally says those 4 little words “Will you marry me“!?
I’m sure it wasn’t just me, knowing that we’d end up getting married, but (hopefully not too desperately) wishing it would come sooner.
Read the below, and if your relationship is going this way, you’ll be seeing diamonds soon enough…
You Talk About Your Future(s) – Together!
If the feeling is mutual, you’ll both be planning your futures, knowing that the other will be a part of it too. If he’s talking about his big OE and what he will do, rather than what “we” will do, there’s a pretty good argument that he will go off on that OE and you’ll be left behind (you certainly don’t want to go along with him if that’s not how he sees it going)…
Before we got engaged, we’d talked at length about where we wanted to live, whether we wanted to live/work overseas, where we want to travel, how many children we want to have, where those children will go to school… and we bought a house (twice) and lived together too. It’s tempting (and I succumbed) to get frustrated when you’re ticking all these important boxes, but there’s no sign of that very important little box, but if you both know that your futures include each other, the marriage will come!
He knows you want to get married (and he hasn’t disagreed)
Maybe you’d prefer you never had to mention it… he’d just know that you want that future together, and all he’s got to do is turn up with the right diamond (or ask you to choose one), but in today’s world where we frequently live together first (sometimes for years and years), it’s not uncommon that you’ll have actually talked about marriage.
He certainly has known (for years and years) that marriage is a part of my future, and he never ran for the hills, which I took as a pretty good sign he knew it was part of his future too. There’s no harm in nudging him in the right direction, and I’m guilty even of asking “When are we going to get married”…
So long as you’re not asking once a week, or being told that he doesn’t actually want to get married, you’re probably on the right track. Just try as hard as you can not to push TOO hard or give him an ultimatum, because even if you get what you want, you won’t appreciate it.
He involves you with his family (and friends)
This is a really good sign (especially if they like you) and a sure indication of things to come. If he’s taking you on family holidays, or as his guest to relatives’ or good-friends’ weddings, he’s incorporating you as part of his family already. He wouldn’t want you to be close with his family (and friends) if he wasn’t planning on having you around long-term.
You know it’s Right
If you love him, he loves you, you’re happy together, and have a stable relationship… you probably already know that you’re going to get married. The wait is annoying when you know it’s ultimately going to happen, but you can at least start thinking about your wedding (and work on your Pinterest page!). Although I thought (before getting engaged) that I knew what I’d want for my wedding, it turns out there’s a lot more to think about and organise!
P.S. Don’t scare him off!
Proposing is scary! Even when he knows he wants to marry you (and trust me, he’ll know), working up the courage to ask (oh and saving up for the ring) is a lot of pressure.
Just to play Devil’s Advocate, here are a few signs he’s not ready (or going) to marry you:
– You’re not top of the list, or a very close second (in what’s most important to him – think career, travel, etc)
– He has negative feelings about marriage (a parental break-up, fear of commitment, or even a failed first marriage might mean he never wants to tie the knot)
– He avoids the conversation completely (or becomes annoyed at the mention of it)
– None of his friends are married
– He tells you he doesn’t want to get married (seriously… and you’re still reading this!!?? Take those words at face value)
If you’re not yet engaged, check out The best (and worst) things about getting engaged – you just might feel better for a minute! If you are, tell me: how long did you wait until hearing those four little words, and how did he finally propose?