One of the most valuable opportunities that wedding planning offers, is the ability to create and develop a day that is uniquely personal. You can bring together your favourite parts of every wedding you’ve attended and the best of all the Pinterest boards you’ve been building (for years).
Whether I’m writing an article, or “researching” my own wedding (only 3 months to go – eek!), I’m prone to spending hours browsing favourite wedding dress designers’ websites, wading through wedding blogs and reading wedding magazines – there are so many ways to be inspired by all the possibilities!
Of course, this is essential – how else can you plan your own wedding without seeing all the beautiful ways that others have put their weddings together. The risk though, is becoming overwhelmed, realising your own wedding isn’t as beautifully styled as the latest NZ Bride & Groom shoot and feeling insecure. That’s “The Comparison Game”.
Many brides experience these insecurities when they realise that their wedding budget isn’t as big as their friends’, or they don’t quite fit into the gown envisaged.
Of course, “the comparison game” rears it head at many points in our lives. It’s something we all battle with at time to times, when feelings of joy and excitement fade away and those of inadequacy creep in. Earlier this week I wrote about the pressure to lose weight, and society (and social media’s) expectation that we look the part, the “Perfect” bride. This might be something you are coming up against as you plan your wedding, or in another area of your life:
To assist you with potential feelings of inadequacy, I’ve been speaking with Annabelle Matson, Health & Wellness Coach, writer and speaker. Annabelle combines holistic health, nutrition and spirituality to help women with personal development, health, passion and everyday energy for life.
For years, I compared myself to others. I’ve always been surrounded by really driven friends, friends who are wonderfully successful, who wear beautiful clothes and who take amazing holidays.
The problem with the comparison game is that in the past, I felt like I didn’t measure up.
Here’s the thing: there will always be someone who has more than you.
Whether that’s a bigger salary, a “perfect” relationship, the best wedding caterers, better-toned arms or glamorous honeymoons.
The comparison game never ends.
I don’t know about you, but…
I have never been motivated by feeling less than, everyone else.
I have never been inspired to reach my potential by putting myself down.
I have never, ever done my best when I’ve berated myself.
I can’t think of a single good thing that comes from comparing myself to others.
Think about it.
I bet you can’t either.
It is a game you will never win.
Don’t turn some of the happiest days leading up to your wedding, into a time filled with stress and feelings of inadequacy. Similarly, outside of wedding planning, don’t spend your life playing the comparison game with all those around you.
Annabelle suggest these 4 tips to end the comparison game and learn to enjoy and celebrate your unique journey.
You Can’t Compare Your Beginning to Someone Else’s Middle
If someone shows up on your radar, chances are they have been working at their thing for years, There’s zero value in comparing yourself.
Whatever you are doing in life it’s so easy to be caught up in someone else’s journey. You’re always going to be ahead of some and behind others.
Own where you are.
There’s many positives to where you are at this exact moment. Don’t be so caught up in getting to the end point, that you miss out on all the good stuff that happens along the way.
Realise Everyone Is Human
Nothing is as it seems. Those people you have been comparing yourself to? I would almost guarantee that they face challenges and have vulnerabilities too.
Difficulties and challenges are part of the human existence and no one gets around this.
Have compassion for people and realise that may very well be facing silent battles too.
Appreciate and celebrate the accomplishments of others.
Be Conscious of Your Self-Talk
Learn to become mindful of your self-talk. When you feel yourself veering into the comparison game – check yourself.
Positive change never occurs from criticising yourself.
There’s no such thing as the perfect path.
There’s merely our path.
We can choose to walk it looking across the street in envy and fear or we can choose to walk with our eyes straight ahead and with strength, confidence and pride.
It is always our choice.
Most importantly, Celebrate Who You Are
Too often we deflect compliments and positive feedback from others.
Connect with what makes you special.
For me, I’m someone who practices kindness towards others. While I’m not perfect and can find myself at the opposite end of the kindness spectrum at times, I’m committed to personal growth and development. I make tasty meals that my family love to eat, and I’m super organised (most of the time).
What makes you different?
What do people often compliment you about that you shrug off or dismiss?
Be a woman who shows her children, her friends and family, what it means to have a healthy relationship with herself.
When you are paid a compliment, accept it with gratitude.
This isn’t egotistical; this is about practicing self-kindness and self-respect.
Think about it; the relationship you have with yourself is the only one you’re guaranteed to have for the rest of your life, so make it a good one.
Let your wedding day be YOUR wedding day!
Make it uniquely YOU.
Enjoy planning. Step away from Pinterest. Appreciate the fact that there is only going to be one YOUR wedding day.
Use the time leading up to your wedding to really work on your self confidence and self appreciation muscles. It’s the perfect opportunity to let go of some of these habits that are no longer serving you and welcome more positive ones into your life.
As Theodore Roosevelt once said “Comparison is the thief of joy”.